"I'm Your No. 1 Fan!"

This is before Wednesday's haircut ...
This is after ...

My cousin Mike, who is a well known comedian in the Midwest area, also cuts my hair. When I got to the shop, he knew I needed a cut because I hadn't seen him since just before New Year's. Now, I can wet and moisturize my hair and it will look cool even if it's too long (I have that "Indian" in my family as some blacks might say.) But if it's not moisturized, the soul will have no glow, and I will look crazy.

So when I pulled my hat off and "blew out" my hair out so he could cut it, he had this to say:
"Damon do you know who you look like? .... 'I'm your No. 1 fan!'"

If you don't get the line, just think about the Incredibles. If you haven't seen the Incredibles, your life is severely lacking.

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The Smooth Man's Playlist ...

This is the truth, and yes Mos Def has a song called The Panties, and it's the shit. Click on the playlist and you'll be able to see it better.

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Overheard in the 'Zou

This is funny as hell, but wrong:

A MU Basketball Player has a conversation about needing a ride with a fellow Mizzou athlete -

Basketball player: Man I really need a ride.

Fellow Mizzou Athlete: Why don't you call (fired) coach (Quin) Snyder? I'm sure he could give you a ride. He's not busy.

Basketball Player: (French Connection UK) you!

Just wrong. Just Wrong. R.I.D. Quin (That's Rest in Durham).

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Just Another Day

There's one thing my flawed father figure actually taught me in life. Well, he taught me a lot about what not to do - because he did everything wrong.

But he also told me to treat every day as though its the same, no different from the next or previous. Your birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day and Father's Day, etc. I did say the man was flawed, so I thought/think this was his way of avoiding the expenditures that come along with those days. This is the same man who purposely went my entire 17th birthday ignorning while walking through the same house I lived in on purpose to hurt me. Still, I digress.

This day, Valentine's Day, will be just another day in my book. Nothing special & nothing ignorant (that I know of yet). The last three years, my Valentine's Day has been hell because of one person. But I must say, I've had some great female friends come through for me and treat me like a king on the day i felt down (Granny, Cara, Chlo Chlo, Cole and roomie). Really good people, and I love you all. Chlo Chlo came all the way from the STL two years ago with Cole to keep me company because they knew I'd be down. True friends.

This year, though, there is no celebration of any kind. No high marks. No down moments. No disappointments, because I'm not allowing for that. I'm just chilling.

I think I'm going to go out (the mall) and frantically watch the men of this world bust their asses to please their women, or the woman they want to be their's. The line outside of every flower shop in the city is going to stretch into the parking lot no matter what time of day it is.

The eateries on the Plaza will have hour-plus waits, and I will just watch and laugh at all of the ignornance. Hallmark will cash in tomorrow big time, and all of these people are getting everything all Campbell souped up to try to please somebody on one day when all they have to do is do that to a certain extent everyday. It's really just another day.

That's not the bitterness talking. I'm not bitter. Just spitting the truth. Tell me what's better than dropping a surprising gift on your significant other on March 22 to celeberate Women's History Month? That's a lot more spontaneous that the rudimentary Feb. 14, and a lot less expensive.

Here's the extent of my Valentine's Day giving for tomorrow. A poem I wrote for the person who has made Valentine's Day a living hell the last three years. I'm a really kind and loving person.

Pictures
Sorry, this time
There is no CD
Just a pen, a pad and my heart
Connecting from you to me
I mean, from I to you
So many times
Either of us has made mistakes
Causing us to think we’re threw
Somehow though
Love would pull through
In the midst
Of a misty morn
All that was scorn
Faded into the distant past
The stills lost their color all too fast
But the image forever last
Imprinted in your mind
Etched in my soul
Enveloped in my heart
Just patiently waiting for millions more words to unfold.

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A Triple Threat - The "." Post

Guys, don't do this at home. In fact, don't do this anywhere if you can avoid it. I thought I was the mastermind of this game, but oh was I wrong. ...

I know. You're wondering what I'm talking about. If you have to know, I'm talking about this "." I won't say the word itself because I'm sensitive like Ralph Tresvant (not Eric Benet - still can't believe he cheated on Halle).

Yeah, I know. But imagine it in ellipsis format "..." Three of them, that close. That punctual. You still lost? I'm talking about a recent undesired experience with three women in my life, who all happened to hit that unwanted moment in their cycle at the same time.

Normally, I have no problem with a woman on her "." I'm a rare breed. My ears are usually open, and I listen to them complain and wine about this and that (stuff no other man should ever have to hear from anyone but his wife) because that loosens them up. It gets them to chuckle, not laugh though. You don't want them to laugh to hard because of the cramps. Just chuckles and smiles.

I digress. About two weeks ago (I put off writing/posting this to get myself into the clear - they all read this) i felt the wrath of b-chica, roomie and elle all within a matter of an hour or so.

First up was b-chica: Don't know what I did, we were just talking on the phone (I didn't say anything off the charts) and she told me she was irritated, and abruptly got off the phone. She didn't say that "I irritated her." But it was obvious and later made apparent by the fact that she apologized for her actions.

Nevertheless, roomie: left an ignorant message on my voicemail about the rent being due on the first of the month. Note: I said I put off posting this for two weeks so it was obviously before the first. Pointless, and it was obvious that it yet another attack of the "."

Finally, elle: the last assailant. Where I drew the straw. She snapped on me because I told her that I knew about something before she did (not that big of a deal, right?). WRONG! ... She got pissy, and abruptly got off the phone.

All three were on the "." All three were cranky as hell. I got two apologies, elle isn't that sincere, and somehow I still felt like I had robbed a bank and been caught. I think I've learned the trick though. At the end of this month, I'm turning my cell phone off and I'm not checking my messages (this is a j/k). That seems to be how we can get to the end of this ...

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It's been a long time ...

I shouldn't have left you, without a new post to step to ... step to, step to, to step to ...

Yes, I'm back, and I could have come back to the blogging world with lyrics from the Mase remake "Welcome Back" rendition, but I decided to come correct via the Timbaland and Aaliyah track.

Yes, I have a song for everything.

You feel like you're in love: Brian McKnight - Never Felt This Way
Your girl just broke up with you: Brian McKnight - One Last Cry, After the Love has Gone, Shoulda, Woulda Coulda ...
You want people out of your business: Bobby Brown - My Perogative
You want to profess your love for your local neighborhood ho: T-Pain - I'm in Luv (Wit a Stripper)

Yes, I know what some of you are thinking, is this a real song? It is. Go to ITunes, pay your $.99 and hear it. It may or may not be worth it to you, but it's hilariously horrible.

The chorus is the title. Now can you actually imagine a man who wouldn't be embarassed to say that he was in love with a stripper? No (good, self-righteous) man in his right mind would tell any of his friends or post this message anywhere.

The only thing I think about when I hear the song is how Chris Rock said that "if your daughter's a stripper, you've fucked up" and then i think about what type of man goes after the daughter whose father "fucked up."

Not this one. Still, I digress to some other interesting news.

Hustle & Flow was a decent movie. I will not deny that. But there is no way Terrance D. Howard should be up for an Oscar for this movie. I repeat, no way. It's a great performance. But he was better in Crash. His role in Crash was gripping, better than Matt Dillon's.

I just wonder what kind of message the Academy is sending to America about Black people when it hands out Oscars to Denzel for being a crooked cop, Halle for being a whorish no-good mother and nominates Howard for being a pimp reformed by his ability to flow. And though it was a stellar performance, we can't discount Jamie's role of a coke-addicted, womanizing blind musician.

What happened to role's like Denzel's role in say John Q. One word: gripping. The movie came out the same year as Training Day, but to farless critical acclaim. Does the Academy and America prefer to see the black man as crooked, rather than see him trying to do right by his family and by his son?

Does America and the Academy prefer to see a pimp turn himself into a struggling rap artist more so than be unveiled to the racism played out in most every American community to this day?

Pure unadulterated ignorance.

More ignorance: Triple 6 Mafia, the Memphis group that brought you hits such as "Slob on My Knob" and "Ass & Titties" is nominated for an Oscar. No not a grammy. An Oscar for their rendition of "It's Hard Out There for A Pimp," from you guessed it, Hustle & Flow ...

I'll repeat that for you. Three 6 Mafia nominated for an Oscar. Before last month I had a better chance of taking home that statuesque gold figure more so than 36Mafia. Think about this, If they win for best soundtrack song, or whatever they're nominated for, they'll have voting rights.

Three Six Mafia with Voting Rights? I'm telling you if they win look out for State Property 3 for film of the year next February ...

I'm telling you. This is what they want from us.

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Fully-Fried: The Black Man’s Sequel to Half-Baked

Editor's Note: This is what happens when you end up wandering off into space during a boring meeting about nothing. Also, this is just a joke.

Synopsis: Three black graduate students come up with a series of fanatical schemes (stealing and selling fried chicken wings) to raise money for their tuition payments to stay on track to earn their degrees.

The Cast
Dave Chappelle .... Thurgood Jenkins
Kanye West …. Scarface
Sean Patrick Thomas .... Brian
Charlie Murphy .... Kenny Davis
Nia Long .... April Wingsmith (A Hooter's Girl & Thurgood's new girlfriend)
Anthony Anderson ... The Guy on the Couch
John Witherspoon .... Samson Simpson (Columbia's Chicken Wing Kingpin)

The Plot: It's the start of yet another semester at the University of Missouri-Columbia and three struggling graduate students (Thurgood, Scarface and Brian) are struggling to make ends meet aka they're trying to find a way to payoff last semester's tuition bill so that they can enroll for classes, get into their dorms after 11 p.m., eat at the campus dining halls and student charge their books.

There's a dillemma though because they used the tuition money they got from their parents (this really doesn't happen) to bail their friend Kenny Davis out of jail after he was arrested leaving a resturant, Hooters, without paying his bill. It was the third time that he had done so in the last year - he also had runins at Buffalo Wild Wings and Willie's (a CoMo thing) - thus his bail was set at $40,000.

The fellas scrounged together that cash, and got him out of jail. But all of their classes were dropped in the process. In order to get the money to pay off their bills, the guys devise a grand scheme to steal all of the fried chicken ( and assortments like hot sauce) in Columbia - from the grocery stores, Hooter's, BW3, Willie's, the Heidelberg, CJ's and anywhere else chicken wings are sold - and sell it once the demand for chicken wings is at an all-time high because they have the entire supply. Stay Tuned ...

(There's More to Come) ...

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He Get it From His Mama

Flava Flava's mama is just as butt ugly as he is. I just thought I'd let you know that.

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