Thanks Dick

I found myself glued to the couch this weekend, my eyes consistently focused on my local CBS station.

There, NCAA teams throughout the nation were running up and down basketball courts beginning the arduous trek from the start of March Madness to April's Final Four. Upsets abound. Buzzer beaters fell. The unexpected was expected.

There are schools that you have no clue as to where they are, Davidson and Belmont to be specific, that come out of nowhere to challenge hated squads such as Duke and prominent teams such as Georgetown. Some win. Davidson knocked the Hoyas. And we all tune in, because we have a vested interest in a team or two or because we have $5 invested in a bracket pool.

I, for example, watched maybe 10 hours of hoops between Thursday and Sunday night. I avoided most human interaction. It might be the best time of year for any man. Just him, his television, his beer, his comfort food and his bracket. No (or few) women.

Only one problem exists: the commentators, and more particularly their overwhelmingly skewed viewpoints concerning black and white athletes.

I will not name names, but I will point out the obvious because it's necessary. Most of the commentators are white men, and it's apparent per their word choice this weekend that they believe the black athlete is physically superior to his white counterpart.

All weekend, I watched shot after shot, amazing play after amazing play. Every time a black player did something outstanding the commentator deemed him "a great athlete" or he'd say, "He's so athletic."

Conversely, if a white hoopster made a great play, the commentator called him a "hard worker" or "a hustler" or even "intelligent with a high basketball acumen." One commentator went so far as to call UCLA standout freshman Kevin Love, a white player with serious skill, "not the best athlete," while he blocked seven second-half shots and almost single-handedly led his team to victory. They gave him the "high basketball acumen" mark.

Are you freaking kidding me? Kevin "McLovin" Love is a top-five lock in this year's NBA draft. NBA team don't draft "non athletic" players with top-five picks.

Ludicrous. These commentators are the verbal equivalent to listening to Emmitt Smith or Michael Irvin ramble, and I mean stumble through incomprehensible sentences, on Sunday mornings. They might as well say what they're thinking. Blacks are better athletes, and whites are ...

That's why they don't. But why say anything? Why say so much that your true feelings are no longer veiled and you come across like an insensitive asshole who is stating, albeit in a roundabout manner, that black athelete don't work hard, can't be smart and don't have to exert much effort?

To no one's surprise, this has been going on for years (see: Magic and Bird). But I don't understand how and why major media has yet to stop this buffoonery. Hire some black men to commentate sports. Not just (insert name of any white commentator you know because I know you can't think of a black one). Maybe this shit wouldn't be so commonplace.

We all know what they're thinking, and it's not politically or actually correct. Yes, somehow black athletes are dominating professional sports, and it likely has something to do with the black gene pool being toyed with on several fronts by the white man from about 1600 to 1865.

But that doesn't give you the right to backhandedly say white athletes are smarter and work harder. That's not right, and really, really fucked up. Fucked up enough to where it screwed up my man weekend.

On Thursday night, I'm watching the games on mute, and putting my iTunes on shuffle. It's that bad.

ed's note: commentator Kevin Harlan, a fellow Kansas Citian, is not included in the list of commentators who make idiot remarks.