A Season's Ending ...

So the Chefs (yes, I left out the i on purpose) season is over by all hopeful senses (*head bowed*). But I don't write or talk too much about them after they lose. So that's not what this is about.

I've been contemplating this notion of why some people come into my life, and whether or not they're worthy of even having around at all or if his/her season has passed. I've done a lot of hedge-trimming in my vineyard this particular season - i.e. I've displaced plenty of people who didn't pull much weight in the idea of a friendship. Shit. In a few instances, I've been the displacee, which isn't a bad thing.

But I'm trying to figure out how you know when someone is in your life for just a season or a lifetime, and when you know a season has passed. Why is this such a hard thing for me? Well, I grew up with a quasi-military brat mentality. I stayed in the same school district throughout my education, but I never went to school with the same kids when it came time to go from grade (some idiots would call this grammar) school to middle school to high school. Thus, I've never been too too great with keeping up with people, and never found it to be that important until now with a select few friends from college that warm my heart and or make me laugh most anytime I holler at them.

If I'd quit fronting, it'd be obvious that this filters itself down to one person - Triple B, herself. She is someone I've known for a long time to not be a good person. But at the same time, I've learned so many positive and negative things about myself throughout the entire "situation." I've really learned the true essence of love and hate. I've discovered passion and rage. Happiness and frustration, sometimes at the same time.

But in many ways, I think I've learned all that I could learn from someone whose two favorite words in the dictionary appear to be beautiful and gorgeous - obviously leading you to what are truly hollow/shallow insides. And I also think I've experienced enough hurt from one person to last me a lifetime, and it may be time to experience something brand new and invigorating. I think it's time I completely close this chapter of my life (even in my head).

There was a signifcant period of time where I thought we would see the "rocking chair days" because of the fluidity of our conversation, interaction, our likes and dislikes and similar ambition or lack thereof at times. But I've totally outgrown the idea of being an option, whether first or second, while someone else experiments.

I always thought that I could help/compliment her and she could help/compliment me in multitude of ways. But at this point, she does little good for me and I pretty much refuse to do so for her. Heck, she's actually grown worse with age, which is a scary thought because she wasn't all the way there when I met her.

It's just a tough ordeal all around because you wish somebody would be smart enough not to let a potential lifetime situation end when they actually had a choice. But, hey, some people are really just stupid, and would rather sit around a play the shoulda, woulda, couldas.

Besides, she's given me plenty of reason not to answer the phone when she calls, and I'm finally in the mindset (The "she really isn't about shit, and she knows it" mindset) to where I don't want to answer it, and I'm okay with this chapter of my life ending.

It had potential for so much more than a season, but I really don't think this is the type of person I want rocking next to me when I hit my retirement years. I'm not happy with the way things have ended, but I think I'm finally content.

It's just funny that this is all happening as it appears as though Gaylord Fokker, if you don't know don't ask, could be out of the picture. But that's another story for a day that won't come.

Anyway, I question whether or not this is the right decision for some reason. But I think that in due time, I'll be more grateful and happier if I don't pick up the phone. ...