It Will All Make Sense...

One Day said Common.

Not in one day, but one day. I just wish that day would come. I'm truly sick of dealing with fake no good people, who only look out for their interests and could give a shit about you.

So I happened to be looking on the crack of the new day, facebook, and happened to see something that really upset me. I'm not going too far into details but it had to do with the Triple B.

I would think that at this point that I wouldn't even twinge when I saw something about her or something that she did. I have that much disdain for her as a person. I truly believe that aside from my father, she is the worst person I've ever encountered in this life.

And normally, there's this thing inside of me that just pushes those people away into oblivion, aside from a distant memory in the back of my brain that resides with the millions of cells already dead from the consumption of too many Long Island Iced Teas, Makers & Cokes and Bacardi & Diets. I normally don't care, even if I see the person.

But that's not the case here. The shit still bothers me, tremendously ... I mean, it eats at my insides. I saw what I saw today, and I was literally enraged for about 10 minutes wanting to do/say something mean. Don't worry, I didn't.

I kept my calm, ate my Panera and thought about what I thought would happen once I was ready to really move on. (yes, I know I think too much, and too hard) I thought that once I found somebody who I liked that could meet me on several levels and make laugh ... I thought I'd be okay. And to a degree, I am. In some ways, I'm not.

I wake up smiling. I laugh throughout the day. I fall asleep easily, which didn't happen with ease in the past. Life is alright.

But I'm still peeved. Like I told the Triple B the last time I spoke with her, I wonder if I just want something back on the three-year-plus down payment I feel like I made and feel like I have nothing to show for it? I don't know.

I feel like I wasted that much time, energy and thought on someone who in the end never really gave/gives a shit about me, and I can actually see it was like that then clearly now. Maybe I'm just upset with myself for not letting go in 2003 before 2006 got here in what seemed like five minutes? I don't know.

Maybe I'm just kicking myself because all that time I could have been building something with the lady I'm currently infatuated with at the moment because she was in the same zip code I was in in 03, but in all reality that could be a loss as there's nearly no way we end up in the same city? I don't know.

I've used all of my swipes on my "Plead the 5th/fif" card, and I do know that I wish that it all made sense on this day, in this moment and forever more. For now, I guess I'll have to with what I know makes sense.

On another note: I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE WHO JUMP TO FUCKING CONCLUSIONS. I WISH THAT EVERY PERSON WHO JUMPED TO A CONCLUSION AND WENT OFF ON SOMEBODY FOR NO REASON HAD TO BE TAZED FOR 10 MINUTES BY THE DAMN POLICE SO THEY WOULDN'T DO THE SHIT ANYMORE. IT IS FUCKING ANNOYING.

I'm done. lol.