Still Thinking too Hard ...

Sitting in this hospitality room, snacking on some horrible food at this state tournament I overheard a couple of coaches saying a few things you wouldn't want them to repeat in front of kids. Nothing that vulgar or even worth repeating, but I thought to myself "Damn, I wouldn't want that guy leading/coaching my kids."

Then I started thinking about cats like MLK, JFK and Bill - Cosby and Clinton. All men of distinction and power. All men who soiled their wild oats after their filandering should have been long done per their decisions to say I do.

I pondered Barry Bonds and his chase for 755, and his other chase - the one to see if he can stuff a 25 pills down his throat while injecting himself in his butt, vein and thigh at the same time.

I thought about Martha Stewart, and her desire for more money, although she was worth more than the GNP of several countries.

I thought about my grandfather, and how he was the epitome of what a man, father and husband should be, and how he still had his faults. I thought about my father, and how fucked up he is. Period. I thought about my mother, the queen of the shoulda, coulda, woulda game. ....

And I came to this conclusion ... They are sects of both evil and good people here on this Earth. Not just one. I think we all come out inherently selfish because as babies we can't do anything for anyone else accept look at them with googly eyes. We were all once dependent as could be.

But the catch is what happens as you acquire knowledge? Do you use what you know for the purposes of selfish or worldly appetites? Or do you make decisions that benefit and serve the greatest good?

When you have access to power, and the ability to get away with things, it's tough not to do them or not do them, pun intended. I've always thought that if put in the position to be faithful or make the right decision, that I would do just that.

That one of those things that I, at this point in life, take seriously and hold dear to my heart. I can't imagine myself continuing to do the same wrongful shit over and over again.

But it makes you wonder, If Barry could find a new "clear" would he use it? If Pete Rose could bet on baseball again while managing and get away with it, would he? Is Bill Clinton still "not having sexual relations" with those women?

I don't know. I just know that fighting your own concious is a bitch when you know you're wrong, and answering to yourself before you fall asleep at night and knowing your not a good person is the worst feeling in the world.

Note: I fell asleep last night feeling great.