Being Emotionally Available ...

"I don't believe you're emotionally available ..."

Her simple phrase flowed out of her mouth as though she had climbed into my mind, and plucked my thoughts away. The message was concise. "It seems like you're still there, so you can't be here."

Ass backwards. That's what I thought of me not being emotionally ready for something new.

"My mind has one track, and it says (insert name of the young lady I was speaking with)," I said at some point later.

But how do I prove this to be truth? I tried explaining that my cup of Double B emotions is as dry as the Sahara, that it's been nearly a year or so since I really had a sincere faith in that "situation."

Yeah, I've had a faint hope, but that has been predicated off of investing the better part of four years of my life in that "situation." That cup isn't half full or half empty. It has been obliterated.

"I can't grow in that situation anymore," I said. "I can't learn anything else. It's helped shape me into the man I am, but there isn't much else there for me."

That is truth. The only thing left there is an unwarrant desire for Double B to see me happy with someone else to see what she screwed up. But even that's childish and unnecessary. Dude, I want that girl to be happy and to find what she wants, understanding I can't be a part of it. I have to be happy myself ...

I so understand that, and I am past the idea of hurt feelings and being "emotionally available" to that "situation." I know this. I'm happy by myself. Content with who I am, happy about where my life is headed and feel like I'm ready for someone to share those experiences with now.

The question is: how do I prove it? How do I gain the trust of someone new? Yeah, I know what I have to do. I have to just be myself, and have faith. I understand that it will take some time, but the way I see it, it should be worth it. Maybe it will work. Maybe it won't.