Ah, Shit ....

I searched frantically for the misplaced phone, but didn't find it. But you know I found something else, right?

Don't you hate how that happens? every time you start searching for something you lost, you stumble upon something else you misplaced months ago. This time, the house phone was misplaced, and I found a white Kangol brim that had been missing for about six months or so.

It was well hidden beneath a living room chair's seat cushion. But I was excited to find it. So excited that I gave up my search for the phone.

Then I started thinking about that "no white after Labor Day" rule, and I just put the hat on my head. I walked around the house as if I had somewhere to go with the hat on because I'd missed out on the entire summer usage of this Kangol that I loved. It's one of the cleanest hats I have.

My luck, though. I had a place to wear it the next day, Sunday. You see, I had about 150 (if not more) relatives in town for a real Harris Family Reunion. The family tree that we know of goes as far back as 1860 in Kansas City, Kan., my hometown.

It's the first the only reunion I really can remember, although I did attend previous ones as a little kid, but I'm missing those brain cells from all of the alcohol I've since consumed.

I pimped it out. For real. I put on my white Kangol with the tan linen pants, a Banana white tee, a Kenneth Cole stripped button down and some white Steve Maddens to finish it off. Clean for the last day for white, no doubt.

But what's the first thing I do as soon as I get to the Family Reunion BBQ? I stepped in some shit! Let me re-phrase that, I got shit on my white shoes! No, not some smallish poodle-like like shit. Some elephant king-sized shit, or so it seemed.

I immediately tried to clean it off with some paper towels, but the stench was entirely too strong. I almost threw up. Literally.

Once I finished the clean up, I started having a convo with a few cousins, first and second cousins (you have to stick around people you know at these things) about the family.

"You know, I'm glad we're having this," My cousin Tony says to me.

"I am too," I replied. "I'm glad I get to see all of these people, you know our cousins from Minnesota that we never see, and all these people I never knew."

"Yeah, it would just be bad if you started trying to talk to one of these girls and found out she was your cousin," he says. "We have some fine women in our family."

"I know."

"That girl over there, she works with me," he says. "I was eyeing her at work, but I'm glad I know she fam now. That would be horrible."

Wouldn't that just be a good movie? Kissing Cousins who have to stop seeing each other because they find out they're related. Sick, I know. Anyways, I'm out. That's my random weekend in a nutshell. I'll be back with more later.