The Best Way to Get a Text Message Response from Me:

send me a message to which I can throw a witty comeback your way.

Such was the case last night when my brother texted me drunk from some undisclosed location. His message reads:

Have you ever wondered when you have to stop living up here and you have to start living down there? 10:37p.m.

I didn't know what the hell he was talking about, but I knew how to respond within one minutes. Of course, because I happened to be typing with my thumbs, it took me two.

It's too early in the morning for that ... 10:39p.m.

We went to lunch today, and I asked him how long it took for him to get my reply ...

"At first, I thought you were mad at me," he said. "I thought I'd done something. But then I started thinking, why would he say morning? Was he asleep?"

Yeah, that wasn't it. He finally figured it out 20 minutes after he'd sent the first text message and replied:

Tell your mom thanks for the ride. 10:57 p.m.

If you haven't caught on, it's a paraphrased dialogue from 8 Mile, Eminem's movie. I still have no clue as to what my brother meant in his first text message, hell, I don't even remember what Eminem meant when he first said it. All I knew was that I had to find some way to get the conversation to my level at the moment.