Welcome ... Back, Welcome Back, Welcome Back ...

I've been outta the mix for a minute. Sorry. I've been trying to clear my head of all of these negative thoughts. They say that if you don't have something positive to say, well, then you shouldn't say anything at all.

So I've shut my mouth for two weeks. Oh, I could have said a few positive things, but I felt like the negative overwhelming outweighed the positive. Thus you can surmise the rest.

But I'm back, and I've gotta brand new bag (not really) so you can call me poppa.

Really, though.

I went shopping for Halloween candy yesterday because I was told to do so. It was a simple request for the kids of the neighborhood, so I followed through. But as i started looking at the price's of the candy, I started thinking as if I were the father on Everybody Hates Chris.

These Snickers cost $4.53. Where's the Snuckers.

My next thought was ingenious as well. Why in the hell do we give kids candy on Halloween?

I asked one friend, and she said "because it's a satanic holiday."

Huh? Is Lucifer just passing out Skittles and Starburst in Hell then? I don't think so, and since no one could give me a good answer. I did what any self-respecting citizen of this generation would do. I went to Wikipedia.

It wasn't there, and if it's not on Wikipedia, you're assuredly not going to find it. So I thought to myself. Is this just another ploy to boom the sale of something we desperately don't need to buy that will inevitably cause us to have to spend more money in other streams of business in the world?

I bought $10 worth of candy, and as i checked out of Target the cashier told me that she had sold $300 worth of candy to one person.

Who in the hell has enough trick-or-treaters roll through for $300 worth of sweets? That's just insane. You could have put a down-payment on a Playstation 3 (please note the sarcasm concerning the fact that a PS3 will cost you about twice as much as 600 Snickers).

I walked out disgusted, and as soon as I got to my house, I found a permanent marker and a piece of paper and started to write:

"Leave us be. There is no candy here."

All of the sudden, something came over me. I couldn't be mean, and I couldn't stop writing like Jim Carrey in Liar, Liar.

"SIKE. That was the trick, knock for the treats."

I taped it on the door. it actually made sense considering our doorbell was function like the Cosbys during seasons 1 through the finale.

But I still don't know why we give candy out and I don't know why women think it's okay to dress all scantily clad for costume parties on Halloween either.

But I guess if we must accept one evil, we must accept the other even if one does ensure cavities in two weeks.

On another note, we (including myself) are all idiots for watching Flavor of Love, but anybody who is dumb enough to actually buy his album has definitely been brainwashed or Flava-Aided, and I feel sorry for you.