Be Happy ...

"All I really want, is to be happy, to find a love that's mine, it would be so sweet." ~Mary J. Blige, Be Happy.

dmansmi: what do you think true happiness is ...
verythoughtful: umm... i think true happiness is being content
verythoughtful: having a million options in front of you and not giving a second thought to any of them
dmansmi: so are you saying that you don't do anything with any of the options?
dmansmi: even the first?
verythoughtful: the first option?
verythoughtful: i think if you're unhappy right now then of course you look into all the options, but if you're already experiencing true happiness then there's no reason to digress
verythoughtful: you stay on the course that's working out
dmansmi: i feel that ...
verythoughtful: what does it mean to you?
dmansmi: true happiness is something that is within you. It's not feeling that you have with somebody or something, but when you metaphorically look into a mirror by yourself, see yourself for who you are and smile because you know you're good.
dmansmi: what do you think?
verythoughtful: i think it has to come from within, another person can never make you feel sound, you'll always be missing something if you can't give yourself that

...These are things I've learned in recent years that my parents didn't bother teaching me in my youth. Sometimes, I honestly wonder why they didn't. I wonder if it would have saved me a world of hurt and disappointment if I understood beforehand that people will disappoint you when you expect them to come through for you and make you happy. Shit, I'm not sure they, my parents, even understand it at this point ... I'm just now learning how to cope with it in a manner where you accept it, and don't retaliate in some way, and if the negativity continues you just move on.

But that's not where my struggle really is at this point. It's in being happy. There are always moments in every day where I'm happy, but I don't think I've truly been happy since my first semester at Mizzou, and i know it shows? Reasons why? We don't have time for that.

I just know that I want this never-ending period of happiness to begin and forever be. I know it starts with me. I know I have to see myself, and be happy. I understand that I need to be content within my confinements, yet yearn for the plateaus I wish to reach.

I despise the idea of being about self/selfish, but right now ... that's what I need. I need to get myself to this point of no return to the lackluster feelings/decisions of yesterday, love in every moment and live for tomorrow.

That's my new Modus Operandi: "Love in Every Moment, Live for Tomorrow. For there, happiness waits patiently."

Oh yeah, thanks to verythoughtful for lending another voice ...