I'm Nervous

I'm reading at a poetry slam on Friday night for the first time in three years. The last time I did, I read decent pieces. But they were all over the place, hard for people to understand. They meant a lot to me, but didn't always connect with others.

As I listened to other readers that night, I felt inspired to dig deeper into my core and figure out what was missing in my prose and poetry. I listened to some of the best out there right now like Shihan perform live. I've found what was missing over the last year or so. It's life.

I spent too much of my time the last five years bottled up in the thought of a (bad relationship) situation, so much that it hampered my ability to write about anything else. Although I had thoughts and concerns with the world's happenings, I never thought or tried hard enough to put things into words.

Now, though, I think I've found what I always knew lurked inside.

But I must admit, I'm nervous as hell. I'm going to try to memorize the pieces I'm sharing (Buildings, These (My) Words and On Second Thought) before Friday so I can engage the crowd a bit more.

I used to be a great public speaker, which is why feeling the nerves two days early is weird for me. I did the morning announcements for two years in high school, won a state title in broadcast reporting in high school, interned at a TV station and co-hosted a debutante ball in front of more than 2,000 people.

But I haven't done much in front of a crowd in three years. Most of my audiences are like two people (a good friend and myself).

DMils, one of my good friends, has been trying to get me to read at the poetry reading for a couple of months now. And she's been persistent. I guess it's paying off. Now, I just hope I don't fumble over 50 percent of my words.