On Women

I love women. As you know, I have more female than male friends. But that still doesn't mean that women don't do things that annoy (the hell outta) me at times. I have lived with three different women (four if you included the exorbitant hours I spent with Triple B back in the day).

Through my experiences, I have a compiled a list of the things that I absolutely loathe about women. For the woman whom I marry, this might be a great guideline for things not to do to piss me off.

This list is not complete. But as I think of something new, I will post it and add it. This list may help you in some small way with your man or in your pursuit of him. Bros., if you have something to gripe about, please comment.

1. Women don't ask questions. They imply things, and want you to do it without having to ask. Problem is, we mean aren't that aloof, and this game gets annoying. Don't say "I want (blah, blah, blah)" and expect me to get "blah, blah, blah" or do "blah, blah, blah," then get upset because I don't. If there is something you want from or of me, ASK please.

2. Toilet paper usage. Women use toilet paper as though there is an endless supply No woman should ever complain to a man about buying toilet paper. My wife, whoever she maybe will be responsible for toilet paper like I am to cutting the grass.

3. The trash. I don't mind taking it out. But if that shit stinks, and it stinks because of you, do not, and I repeat, do not leave that funk there for more than 15 minutes just for me to take it out. I will be pissed. Repeat. I will be pissed. If you fill the trash can up an hour after I have just emptied it, best believe you will also need to take it out.

4. Lifetime/Golden Girls. Do not expect me to watch either of these with you, the network or this show. I refuse. I would rather play in traffic sans clothing and see how long it is before I'm arrested than watch a Lifetime movie. Golden Girls was a good show. Operative word: was.

5. Attacking below the belt. In arguments, do not bring up things you shouldn't or use tactics that are hurtful and irrational in concerns with what we are arguing about. Most men do not think like this. We're rational creatures who, while we may do some irrational things, know when we're wrong even when we won't admit it. We don't need you to take cheap shots at us.

6. Weave. Nails and pedicures are fine. Weave? It will not grow on me. I mean never. Question? Have you ever engaged in a sexual act with a woman with a weave and tried to grasp her head or pull her hair only to feel as though there are abnormal growths on her head? Yeah, been there, done that. Never again (I hope). I understand some black women want their hair to grow, and wearing a weave can help that process. But just rocking one just cause? Dude, be you. Nothing against you if that's what you choose to do. Just a personal belief of my own.

7. Plastic surgery. I hold this one dear, especially for a black woman (and man) who wants to reconstruct her face by altering her nose. It's the same nose that the was knocked off of the Sphinx outside of the Pyramid of Giza, and we've devalued it in search of something universal. Be unique. I could go on for days about this one (and I have before). I'm even working on a piece about this issue. I might post it within the next week or so.

Don't worry, like I said, this list will grow with time. Women, I still love you.