Unconditional ...

Love is something that's extremely hard to find, and "when you do, you hold on to it," so said Lyfe.

A friend of mine wrote something recently where they talked about the idea of loving someone unconditionally, and it beckoned me to think about if unconditional love exists?

I think about it, and come to believe that to love someone unconditionally would mean to give to that person without fail, no matter how much or what they do to hurt you. You keep giving, and "never breathe a word about your loss" or understand that "love keeps no record of wrongs or rights." I only knew one man of such caliber - LMS, the senior (my grandfather), and even he had his limits because he knew he could get burned by those closest to him.

One would think that you'd find this unconditional charity in parents - but I promise you both of mine have their own agendas in life where their children are purposely or accidentally, i really don't know, fourth or fifth on the importance scale. At least that's the way I feel.

So at this stage in life, especially, it's hard for me to really see how love can be unconditional just because I don't have too many good examples. Anyone who knows me knows that I think love is a whole lot more about what you do rather than what you say. What you say doesn't mean much to me. It's all in the action and reaction.

The question then is, how do you keep giving and giving when you know that someone isn't worthy by what their history entails? When is the unconditional affection effected by conditions? I've had to ask myself that a million times in recent years. I honestly never thought that love was supposed to be hard - on any level... relationships, friendships, family or even people you hate. Man, was I really green.

I think I've come to learn that at some point any relationship or friendship or family matter can go sour. It could be money, trust, deceit or anything. But it happens, and the conditions set in, and you start to think about yourself, your pride, how much it hurts and possibly how much of a fool you are. You get pretty salty, I know I have.

I guess the unconditional part comes into play when you forgive, and give again. But it's so hard once you've reached a breaking point, as I have in a few cases. I don't know. I can't fathom why someone would someone ever just continue to give, give and give? I've only done it once, and I don't I still don't understand why I diddo myself. I guess I just want a specific resolve, and think that still giving/loving is the best way to achieve certain things in life in spite of people's faults.

I've learned though that when you love someone that much and they know it, they usually just take advantage of it and don't really respect you because they know you'll be there for them in the end.

I feel like my relationship with my grandfather was like that at times maybe, and there are days when I wish I could do a lot of things differently. To be honest, I just wish i had someone who I believed loved me unconditionally again. I'm sure I'd "hold on" to them after all of the hell I've been through. Anyways, enough randumbness. Late.