Mizzou's Juicy

Getting ready for the big game last Saturday, we were listening to that good hip hop. That Eric B. & Rakim type music that seems to be over most cats heads nowadays.

Then came a track from my favorite rap artist from that era, Biggie Smalls bka The Notorious B.I.G.

"Fuck all you hoes get a grip."

It was "Juicy," the ultimate hip hop tale of coming from nothing to something. I started thinking then, and in my head came this anthem for Mizzou's turnaround season. This was it.

In the vein of Chicago's SuperBowl Shuffle, I've written to lyrics to "Mizzou Juicy." I promise you that if we beat Oklahoma on Saturday, I will record it on Sunday, and throw it on YouTube, Facebook and MySpace.

Here's are a few samples of the lyrics:

This song is dedicated to all the media who said Mizzou would never amount to nothing. To all the proponents of the Colorado and the Fifth Down, UCLA and Tyus Edney and Nebraska and the Flea Kicker. It’s all good, baby, baby.
...

We made the change from common grief/ to GameDay with Corso and Herbstreit
....

PS3, Nintendo Wii/ When we was 8-5 y'all couldn't even see/No. 1 team

....

Just wait. If we win, it's gonna get crazy.

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A Taste of the Rainbow

Belizeanchica sent me an IM this evening that struck a chord.

She explained her day to me, like always. But then she started telling me about something Work Dude said today.

Apparently, Work Dude (understand that we give everyone who is insignificant a pseudonym, i.e., Big Dude, That Bitch, Don't Answer, Married Man, That Ho, Eggs, New York Guy, Fatty Girl. Not to say any or some of these people exist. They are examples) said something quite gay to her today.

By gay, I do mean something that could make Work Dude come across as homosexual. No offense to gay homosexual people anywhere. This is about something an allegedly straight man said that might make you think otherwise of his sexual preference. That's all.

He says to her (paraphrasing): "You know, I have a bit of a man crush on Daniel Craig."

The two things that aren't paraphrased: "man crush" and "Daniel Craig."

There are a few major problems with this statement.

Problem No. 1: No Heterosexual man should ever - and I mean ever - say he has a "man crush" on anyone. Admitting you have a man crush on a celebrity is like saying you're a metrosexual in 1985. In 85, saying you were a metrosexual equated to you having homosexual sex with the entire city.

The world wasn't ready for metrosexual then, and it's not ready for men to start admitting that they have man crushes.

There's one way the term man crush should ever be used: You allow you're friends to jokingly say you have a man crush on someone and vice versa. You don't admit that you have one.

Problem No. 2: How can you possibly have a man crush on Daniel Craig? I know there are some of you who are reading this like "who in the hell is that?" Right. Daniel Craig is the last guy to play James Bond aka 007.

He did great in that film. Awesome movie. Can't tell you anything else he's done. Ever.

When you're friends tell you that you have a man crush on someone it's usually Jay-Z or Michael Jordan or Lil Wayne or Tony Montana. Trust me, there are mad people (aka dick riders) right now who are buying knee-pads for Jay, Wayne, Jordan and Tony.

Not Daniel Craig. No. Saying this makes it seems as though you really like him like him. If you lived in England, maybe this might be more understandable. Then again, you just admitted you had a man crush. There's only one understanding.

What does this mean? It means Work Dude is fruity. We suspected he might be playing for the other team a month ago. I'd said I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case based off of the things Belizeanchica told me previously.

But after this Bag of Skittles moment? I'm 92.7 percent sure he's willing to taste the rainbow.

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Mizzou is Off The Wall ...

These other teams is Tito.

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We Just Need To Play The Hand Right

Unless you're stuck under a boulder somewhere on a deserted island, you by now know that Mizzou is No. 1 in the nation in Bowl Championship Series.

We can beat Oklahoma. Let me repeat that: We can beat Oklahoma.

If Mizzou avenges its only loss of the season against Oklahoma in the Big 12 title game, the Tigers will play for the national title and BCS trophy. That was unthinkable at the beginning of this season.

Expectations were for Mizzou to win the Big 12 North, but we weren't even ranked to start the season. Nebraska was.

When we cupcaked the Huskers 41-6, I knew then that we could play with anybody in the country. Nebraska gets the best recruits/athletes. As good as any thriving DI program. And we held them to six points. Six.

I knew then, our Tigers could play with any team in the nation. We lost to an extremely talented Oklahoma team (we had a chance to win, but a sure interception slipped through Pig Brown's hands in the fourth quarter while Mizzou led 24-23. I can assure you that we would have gained momentum with that pick).

We lost. But we haven't lost since in six-straight must-win games (If we lost one KU would be playing the Big 12 title game). And yes, we DOMINATED Kansas. The score was 28-7 heading into the fourth quarter, and we shut things down and tried to milk clock.

Now, we have another shot at the Sooners, and a win gives us a shot at the national title.

Can we do it? I'm 50-50 on this one. We have the best offense in the nation. But this game is going to play out just like the Mizzou-KU game.

If Mizzou wants to win, Tony Temple, Jimmy Jackson, Derrick Washington and the Offensive line must get off on the Oklahoma defense the way we did KU. Without Temple, Mizzou managed just 57 yards on 30 carries the first go-round against Oklahoma.

That must improve to at least 30 for 120. OU will be without top defensive end Auston English (broken ankle), which will help Mizzou.

The Mizzou defensive line and linebackers must play above their heads and slow Allen Patrick and Chris Brown (make him look like the dancer/singer) and control the line of scrimmage. That combo combined for 111 yards on 24 carries and three touchdowns in the win over Mizzou.
If Mizzou can do this, there's only one other thing that matters. Mizzou will get its points. We must stop Oklahoma on third down. The Sooners were 10 of 14 on third down the first go-round and the Tigers defensive must improve on that.

We must pressure Sam Bradford and rattle him more than we did in October. Send five or six on third downs. Get our hands up in his passing lanes.

If Mizzou can do these things and don't have stupid turnovers (three of the four last time were unforced errors on Mizzou's part), we will win this game. Our passing game will be there. It's too efficient to be stopped. We've consistently proved that in every game this season.

But it all must come together. We have Kings in the pocket, and promising flop. Now we just need to play the hand like we're Johnny Chan against Eric Seidel 1988.

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Let him watch the game

This may be the best advice I could ever give a woman about a man. Lean in close. Read this next sentence twice if you don't get it the first time:

Don't ever make your man miss the big game.

Women, do you want to keep your man? Do you want a man to remain interested in you? Let him watch his game in peace. Even if you're just friends, and want to maintain said friendship, let him do him during game time.

If you make a man miss his game because you want to watch Golden Girls' re-runs or the Lifetime Movie Channel, he will be more prone to do all of the things you don't want him to do.

Cheat. Lie. Manipulate the truth. Avoid you. All of these things come into play by making a man miss the game. A man and his game are like a dog and its bone. They need each other more than you'll ever understand.

How do I know this? From experience (experiences I won't detail here because they're that traumatic), and from watching female friends make this fatal mistake with their men.

Perfect example: Wildcat-Squared forced her boyfriend to watch Desperate Housewives with her during the Indianapolis-New England AFC Championship game. Remember that game? It was one of the greatest football games ever played (and the main reason Randy Moss is going Randy Moss circa 1998 on defensive backs in New England).

Meanwhile, Wildcat-Squared's man watched Eva Longoria and company. Left to only see the SportsCenter highlights, he could only think of what his night could have been. She initially told me about this that night as I was coming down from my "watching the game" high.

I damn near cursed her out.

"Your relationship might soon end because you made him miss this game, you know this right," I said?

She didn't believe me. Now, they're still together, but their relationship has changed. He brings up her making him "miss" the game every chance he gets. He won't allow her near him during gameday. She must stay at her place, he at his, and understandably so.

He won't make the same mistake. I can't explain it better than I did with the man/dog analogy. It's just innate.

Women, take heed.

Learn who your man's favorite teams are. Don't make him miss their attempted triumphs. Know when the playoffs of the NBA, NFL, NHL, Major League baseball, college football and basketball are. Let him watch. If his team makes it into one of this arenas, pretend like you know what's going on at least. Be excited with him.

Don't just go in the other room and turn on that same Lifetime Movie you saw last week or the one you haven't seen yet. You already know how they both end. The man is a bad guy who beats his wife and she is viewed as a great person for escaping the hands of despair and death.

You don't know it, but if you make him watch Lifetime during the "big game," he might start having these homicidal thoughts about you. Don't be that woman. Don't do it.

It would behoove you.

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One of my new fav JZ lines ...

in a pictorial. lol.

"Baby, I said I sport fly shit, I should win an ESPY."

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Complex

Going through a little battle right now. And this is normally what happens in said situation.

Complex
At a depth where
It isn’t safe for minnows
Willow trees don’t blow and snow
Goes in the opposite direction of the wind
Weird? I know.
But I had to let go,
And sail on the current of sanity
A calamity? Not quite
Insanity? Maybe, right
It may be right to walk away
But it feels wrong,
Like a song about love lost
in a major key
Wish there was a way to smile
Through this debris
Yet all I see are stones
Thrown from vanity
Who does that to a friend they call best?
Who fires aimless rounds at a friend’s open chest?
Knowing no vest can veil a failed friend,
Who’s let to wonder if sanity will come again.
In the form of that friend,
Or come to understand
That person was nothing more than a minnow
That never learned to swim.

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I Now Understand Why ...

... Ne-Yo never leaves the house without a hat. Dude's head size is out of control. Grab the brim dude.

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Sometimes, Envy Can Be Sweet

Heathclaire asked me to meet her at the mall on Wednesday so we could have a simple dinner at Panera after she got her nails done.

"Fair enough," I thought of the harmless trip and meal. But as I pulled into the mall parking lot, I realized what I got myself into. The mall was packed as though it were the day after Thanksgiving or the day before Christmas.

No, I didn't forget Wednesday was Halloween. I just forgot that parents and their costumed children raid the mall for all the candy corporations wish to doll out.

At first, it annoyed me. It took me 10 minutes to find a parking spot. When I got in the mall, all of the people and little people caused me to get lost in a place I walk around once a week. Weird, I know.

Then I started thinking about the kids. I thought about how if they took three trips around the mall they should probably get enough candy to last a year. Then I thought about how they'd probably eat all of the candy in 72 hours because they know little to no restraint.

Then I thought about the their innocence, and started overthinking. I got hooked on the idea of why children are important.

There are so many children out there who can be labeled as "unplanned" or "mistakes." I'm one. But seeing this kids made me realizes what their parents are supposed to get out of making life through a so called unplanned mistake.

The innocence and the purity of the children I saw Wednesday night represented all that's right with the world, and what we should strive for even as we press on toward being omniscient.

The children give us reason to hope and believe the mistakes we make as adults won't be made by their generation (though oddly enough, they make them, too).

But it (almost) made me want children right now. Not that I have someone I want children with (which is vitally important). I could see how having kids would motivate me to have to do right at all times because the innocence and purity of another person depended on me. Most of the bad habits would fall by the wayside.

And then I thought to myself, "Self, you need to be doing this for you anyway."

As Heathclaire and I made our way into Panera finally, I ran into a high school classmate of mine. I couldn't remember his name offhand. But we exchanged pleasantries and names (again).

Then he asked me what I was doing, and I gave him the obvious answer.

"Surviving."

I returned the question, and he gave me the obvious answer.

"Man, just chasing these kids around. Do you have any?"

"Nah, man. I'm waiting until I've got the picket fence and the right woman before drop my seed," I replied.

Jason, who is married with a 7-year-old and another on the way, smiled, dapped me up and said "Dude, that's the way to do it. Wait as long as you can."

I knew what he meant, but at the same time, I kinda envied him.

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