Jonesing Again

I wanted to go and see The Last King of Scotland on Monday, but after I got a gory review, I decided I'd wait a few more days. Most of you already know, I'm not a fan of gory movies. I won't see any of the Saw movies.

So anyway, I decided instead to watch one of my favorites, When Harry Met Sally, again, and a question posed in the movie got me to thinking about Love Jones (you do know that on the back of the Love Jones DVD case that it pretty much says Loves Jones is When Harry Met Sally but for black people?)

What happened to Nina and Darius' relationship after the dramatic/romantic, lip-locking in the rain scene that ended the movie?

I asked this question of belizeanchica, and she said that she thought the relationship lasted another three years, max. She thinks that Darius moved to New York to be with his woman. But he went through another spell of "masterpiece of minimalism" type writer's bloc and ended up frustrated because his woman was more successful than he was. She felt like they'd go through the mill of today's typical relationship. You know, the "breakup-to-makeup, we're doing it again, and again and again, mary-go-round" soiree until they realize that it it wouldn't work, three years after the fact.

My opinion differed, but not much.

I think they may have lasted six months more. I saw their rekindling outside of The Sanctuary as a brief spark, but not an eternal flame. Darius doesn't move to New York. Instead, they attempt to make it work via long distance with frequent visits. Through a few more fights ("Is Lisa's number still on his fridge," Nina says) They eventually realize that they are two different people with two different directions in life. They once shared a strong connection, but that time has past. Nina becomes a Felicia to Darius, and Darius becomes another Marvin, and they move on with their existences understanding that they got the chance to say "what if" again, and it realized that it wasn't worth it.

What do you think? It's an interesting one. One that makes you think.

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If you really look like a beast, does it truly do you any good to say "I'm a beast" in an online profile? Or is it just rhetorical rhetoric that you should keep to yourself?

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An Afterthought

An Afterthought
by Damon Smith

If beauty is fleeting
why are you still here?
lurking around these parts
which you once held so dear

Are you confused?
unable to differentiate want from need
Is it just a rouse?
and that's why you're tiptoeing around ... that which used to be
is now an afterthought
trapped within the failed promise of our yesterdays.
Tomorrows' sorrow now knows a depth so shallow
In it, minnows couldn't swim
No, it didn't happen on a whim

But rather over time
I realized I did overtime for naught
Lived for your works, but didn't get time and a half
Instead, I got caught
Up in some shit a goat wouldn't eat
Yet, time and again, you goaded me into the belief
of what you thought should be.

Now just a thought in the afterlife
A dream dried up and deferred
Absurd, to you it may seem
I concur, you're still caught up in the dream
all the while, that fancy had already passed.
After the thought of that which will truly lasts.

Now in my old age, I laugh when I see you
in place of all the tears I never cried
I will no longer attempt to deceive you
You see, from myself I can no longer hide.
Pride had to fall by the wayside, and subside.

And for once, the mirror reflected a truth,
One foreign even to my eyes,
Something I wished I'd known in my youth:
Beauty is a thought chased after by a lie.
And, at last, you are no longer my shadow.

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PLEASE WASH HANDS

I have a new reason as to why I prefer Kansas over Missouri.

(For those who don't know, my mother gave birth to me in Kansas City, Mo., but once my father decided to claim me, they married and moved to Kansas City, Kan. Yes, they are two different cities that connect. After 18 years in Kansas, I went to Mizzou for college because, well, they gave me money. I now live in Kansas again. Now, back to your regularly scheduled blog. )

But my reasoning: men in Missouri don't wash their hands after using the bathroom.

I covered a high school basketball game last night in Lee's Summit, Mo. Before the game started, I made use of the lavaratory system. There were about five men, all grown mind you, who walk in handled their business and walked right now - without washing their freaking hands.

Most guys will wash their hands if there's another guy in the restroom just so they don't look nasty. But these dudes were bold.

I didn't tell anyone, in fact, at that moment I had no one to tell. But I wanted to scream at each of them as they walked away, "You bastard! You're going to give somebody some sort of disease doing that nasty shit. I hope your hands fall off."

It wasn't that deep though. So I just kept my mouth shut.

A few hours later, I went out with my brother rmattwill to some bar on the Plaza. Considering that we got our drinks half-off because we knew someone who worked there (notice how I'm leaving out the actual details so know one asks me to meet them at that bar), I had several Maker's and Cokes, my drink of choice/champions.

Subsquently, I made many trips to the bathroom. And each time, some guy refused to wash his hands. One guy ran water over his, but didn't use any soap. He gets an F for eFFort.

But would someone please tell me, is it that much of a burden?

All I know is this, I'm not shaking hands with any men in public places in Missouri unless I have on gloves.

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You Wanna Dollar?

I'll give you a dollar if you can tell me who this is. Okay, no I won't. But I think she's pulled a Michael because I had no clue until I read the caption that came with the photo.

I'll give you one hint. She's 68.

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Mike JONES ... Who?

Okay. I'm busy. But I wanted to know I'll try to write something for you later today. Anyways.

Here are a few quotes that i thought were on point.

belizeanchica's on a killer-quote-a-day diet:

"You can't turn a ho into a house wife, but you apparently can make her a lawyer or doctor." (From Monday)

"Paint that (dude) green and give him a shell, and see what happens." ~ belizeanchica on Sunday describing how Mike Jones looks like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Also, what the hell is wrong with Brittney Spears? Is she that desperate for attention? She is the 2K version of Wacko Jacko.

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It's A Celebration!!!!!

I need to go and hunt down Charlie Murphy or a lookalike so I can slap somebody.

I got a new job, and I actually have control of my Friday nights and weekends. As I drove up for my final interview today, I saw that there's a Gold's Gym like next door to my office. I think that's a sign.

That's all you need know for the moment. More details to come soon.

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Free Speech Has A Cost

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known, I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."
- Tim Hardaway, former NBA player and All-Star

There are a few things wrong with what Tim said. I'm sure you can figure them out. But what I'm curious about is whether or not a person can speak his mind, be full of conviction and not be chastisied in the world we live in for what he says.

I mean, what if Hardaway simply said, "I don't like gay people. It's against my religion and what I believe to be the proper way one should conduct himself." Or something like that.

Would he still be vilified? I believe so.

So when can someone say something that's controversial, and it not be picked at by vultures? That's what I want to know. When will someone be able to say something like this, and it just be deemed as "his/her opinion?"

I wonder if a white person with celebrity status will ever be able to say "I don't like black people" and not be considered a racist. I wonder what would happen if a homosexual said that "he hated heterosexuals." Would he be scrutinized as much? I doubt it, but I wonder.

It's essentially the same question: why does free speech, in certain situations, come at such a high cost?

I don't know the answer to that question, but I know who we have to thank: this country's forefathers who wrote a Declaration about this life and lived furthest from it.

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Update on the last post:

I sent DMilly a text at about midnight that said: "at least you're first, Happy Valentine's Day."

She replied, "Happy Wednesday to you, too."

I got up this morning and left this message on her Facebook wall: "Happy Hump Day, lol"

I don't think there's anything else you can call Wednesday.

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Baby When I Used To Love You

I called a good friend (we'll call her dmilly) a few hours ago when it was still February 13. We engaged in a little harmless small talk to start.

I told her about this final job interview I have with a new company coming up later this week and about how I watched all of the episodes of DayBreak that didn't air. She told me about how she couldn't wait to get home to Kansas City early next week. Then came the question.

"So do you have any big plans for tomorrow," she queried?

Being the overly analytical entity that I am, I immediately thought to myself "This is the moment where she's asking me about tomorrow so that I know that the next thing is a 'well I'm gonna go ahead and get off the phone.'"

Thus I replied: "It's just Wednesday, right? No, I don't have anything special going on."

DMilly promptly reminded me that Wednesday was Valentine's Day. I clearly missed it, even after I had just had a conversation about how Wednesday was Valentine's Day with someone else not 10 minutes earlier.

DMilly deemed my answer to be "the typical male response."

I used to be a hopeless romantic. No really, I did. There was nothing that I wouldn't do.

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A Few Thoughts on this week's celebrity mess ...

Anna Nicole Smith is dead. Ray J is in a sex tape with one fine woman. Brandy's could be convicted of vehicular manslaughter.

The celebrity world has gone crazy.

First up, Anna Nicole. I don't know why, but when Q-Boog called me yesterday afternoon and made me aware of Anna Nicole's passing, it actually got to me for a second. Kind of like when New York pitcher Cory Lidle was killed.

I didn't know either, but I felt like it was some sort of bad timing involved with each situation. All I can think about now, in spite of Anna Nicole's ignorance, is her infant child. They say that a child who is transferred from the care of different people so many times at such a young age has potential for emotional issues as they age. I just hope there's no foul play in Anna Nicole's death, although I think some thing is just not right.

The only other thing I can think to say is where in the world is Maury when we need him? We don't need the courts for this, Maury can have this custody battle resolved in a 12-minute segment.

Next up, Ray J and Kim Kardashian. She's fine. Absolutely beautiful. It's makes you wonder if Ray J got his one wish granted because it's hard to imagine him with someone like that. But then again, she's friends with Paris Hilton. I personally don't care about the sex tape. I don't care if they fronting in saying that they're not trying to make money off of it. All I know is this, if you're going to be dumb enough to film yourself performing sexual acts, don't let the shit get out. Just not smart.

And Brandy. it's unfortunate like the first situation. But I'll say this, anyone who says that no amount of money can make up for the loss of their loved one, and promptly sues for $50 million is clearly contradicting his/her first thought.

The way the story comes off, it seems like an accident for which Brandy was at fault for someone's death. But when you put a hefty price such as $50 million on someone's life, I think greed is involved to some degree.

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From A Long Time Ago

I wrote this five years ago in a journal, today.

Hear I am, trapped within this maze that we call life. I'm supposed to feel like I'm on top of the world, but I feel more like the gerbil on a wheel living each day as though it were the one before.

There's no escape from this madness, just a pillow to lay my head on and shut my eyes and my mind off from the ignorance of days past. And each morning I wake, I mourn for that which I've lost the day before. The hours. The thoughts. The friends. The enemies.

All I want is to wake and feel relief instead of pain. I want to look in the mirror as though it were a window to my soul and see joy as though I'd never seen it before. Instead, all I see is doubt circled about by fear and resentment, and wonder if the next day will bring about something new. I guess that's why I keep going to sleep, and more importantly why I keep waking up, in hope of something new.

You see, amid my displeasures there is hope. There's a ray of sunshine that speckles even on my darkest day. I know that the day will come when I'm set free from my captivity, and I will roam where I wish to roam, when I'm ready. I'll look toward my reflection, and my heart will smile a thousand times over. I'll fall to sleep without discomfort, and rise in the morning and know without looking that the joy I've rummaged for on my insides will beam on my exterior.

That's the day I will know love. That's the day I will live and walk with love and, nothing but, love in mind.

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Where Headaches Come From ...

One of my best friends called me today, and tried explaining why she didn't call me back the night before.

She said she had a pounding headache derived from the ignorance of a conversation with co-workers from the day before. She, an upwardly mobile, well-spoken black female, sat quietly while a room full of white counterparts discussed one of the hot topics of the day: what Sen. Joe Biden, who announced his candidacy for the presidency, said about Barack Obama (click here to read the story).

In short, this is what he said about Obama: "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man."

A seven-year-old who sat through his/her first day of class during black history month today probably now knows about Thurgood Marshall or Fredrick Douglass or at least Martin Luther King, and that they were in some way mainstream, bright, clean and so forth.

But somehow this wasn't so obvious to Senator Biden. And somehow, most of my friend's colleagues couldn't quite grasp what was wrong with what Biden said. They, in fact, thought it made good sense.

My friend said she sat there for a second in shock of what she was witnessing until her boss, who found the rest of the room to have temporarily have gone insane as well, asked her what she thought.

She then addressed the room, and why it was a derogatory and racially insensitive statement.

Of course, her answers silenced the room, and made everyone in it have to re-think all of the veiled ignorance they had just spewed out. Until they heard a black person say it, they couldn't understand what it felt like to be the black person who had heard over and over again, "You speak so well," knowing full well they meant to add "for an African-American." Even then, they probably still couldn't quite understand.

It's one thing for a senator, who represents a constituency of our American people, to say such things. But its another for a sect of that population to believe that there's nothing wrong with what was said. It's a scary thing to realize so many around us are so ignorant.

That's what bothers me more, especially when there are, past and present, so many bright blacks to blaze trails in an array of arenas. Need immediate proof: just think about the names listed above or think about Sunday's Super Bowl (aka the BlackBowl), which will be coached by two black men for the first time ever.

This evidences that race is still a major problem in our society, and as long as it is, it will be a recurring headache for our people. I've got one now just from thinking about this.

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