So I've found my new cure for keeping people I don't want to bother me interupting me at work: headphones. (Anybody under 26, you know you don't bother me and I enjoy chatting it up with you because you actually talk about something interesting.)
It doesn't matter if I'm actually listening to something good, currently John Legend, or just hearing the background noise and the noisest of all neighbors (anybody who works at 8455 knows who I'm talking about). If I have them on, I don't get bothered. They make it seems as though you don't want shit to do with any interruptions, and well, that's the truth.
However, this morning I made the mistake of leaving the phones in the car, and I got caught trapped by a drive-by conversation I could have done without - the one other black male who currently works in my office. He's nice, but senile.
He started rambling about Mizzou-UMKC game last night, and how Mizzou almost lost. Not that big of a deal right? No. But he somehow ushered his point into how he used to play ball back in the day with his brother and friends in his neighborhood. He said he used his jumping abilty to balance out the fact that he's 4-foot-7, and his outside shot? You didn't want him to take it, because he'd drain it. Then he went into how the problem with today's black youth is how there are no neighborhoods because of cars and bad parents.
What does any of this have to do with Mizzou or UMKC? I don't know. All the while, I just sat here with my hands still typing on my keyboard as a signal trying to convey the message "I'm busy, so would you please keep to steppin, and stop with your unnecessary comments?!"
Duk, you have to know what I'm talking about.
But no more of that. The problem is solved. Headphones. Legend's Live it up is playing now, and passers-by are ignoring me like I want.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Do you remember when times were hard, Oh so hard ...
Ye vs. 50
I'm not going to get too far into this at all. Mr. West wins easily because of this one ignorant ass statement by Mr. Cent.
Fitty tells GQ that President Bush is "a gangsta," just like him, and that he'd love "to meet George Bush, shake his hand and tell him how much of me I see in him."
How much of 50 Cent do you think George Bush sees in himself?
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Sole Searchin ...
Eyes wide open; a boy confined by darkness understands not where to step. Knowing his soul exists, he, full of fear, does so anyway without course, but with cause. He hears a voice inside telling him to be still. He rummages about, in search of what he came with, yet somehow misplaced. His measures are as rocky as a trembling quake. They are symmetrically placed in a manner befitting a commoner anointed a king. Unbeknownst to him, though. Struggling with the premise of continuing to err, the child, still wandering, falls. No hands come to aid him. He shuts his eyes. A tear trickles down his broken face, and dries in the coldness of the night. He asks for illumination, and laments for help while fading into a slumber. Finally, he is still.
Morning comes, and light is ubiquitous. The stumbling blocks are now visible. The thorns, avoidable. The water, clear as day. He stands, and walks toward it. He kneels, and pans the water attempting to cleanse the dust off his brow. For the first time, a man sees his manifestation. He experiences joy. His lonely search for his soul complete in a reflection. Now he understands, what he knew not. The man grasps what he before had lost, never to let go of it again. Abiding by what he knows, he, and his love, is limited by nothing. His throne is ready for him, and he is prepared to take it.
Scripts do not get this good ...
and know/no I didn't type this out. I searched and found it somewhere. But this is proof that this was some good shit, as only I would say. If you haven't read my earlier posts, this is a monologue from When Harry Met Sally, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite movies.
SALLY: When Joe and I started seeing each other we wanted exactly the same thing. We wanted to live together but we didn't want to get married because every time anyone we knew got married it ruined their relationship. They practically never had sex again. It's true. It's one of the secrets no one ever tells you.I would sit around with my girlfriends who have kids and...well actually my one girlfriend who has kids ... Alice... and she would complain about how she and Gary never did it anymore.
She didn't even complain about it now that I think about it. She just said it matter of factly. She said that they were up all night and they were both exhausted all the time. The kids just took every sexual impulse they had out of them... and Joe and I used to talk about it and we'd say "you know, we're so lucky we have this wonderful relationship. We can have sex on the kitchen floor and not worry about the kids walking in. We can fly off to Rome on a moment's notice."And then... one day... I was taking Alice's little girl for the afternoon 'cause I promised to take her to the circus and we were in the cab playing "I Spy". I spy a mailbox. I spy a lamppost. And she looked out the window and saw this man and this woman with these two little kids and the man had one of the little kids on his shoulders. And she said "I spy a family." And I started to cry... you know, I just started crying.
And I went home and I said, "the thing is, Joe, we never do fly off to Rome on a moments notice."Anyway, we talked for a long time and I said "this is what I want," and he said "well, I don't." And I said "well, I guess it's over," and he left. And the thing is I... I feel really fine. I am over him. I mean I really am over him and that was it for him. That was the most he could give and every time I think about it I am more and more convinced that I did the right thing.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Love is patient ...
"If thou art pained by any external thing, it is not this that disturbs thee, but thy own judgment about it. And it is in thy power to wipe out this judgment now." ~ Marcus Aurelius
Be still. Don't react. Act accordingly.
It's time to get introspective and maybe you'll pick something up for yourself along this journey. These three words - love is patient - are the key to defining love. People look at patience and see it as the ability to wait on something when maybe that's not what you want to do.
I'm not sure that's not what 1 Corinthians Chapter 13 was trying to convey at all.
Be Still.
When you steer yourself through the rest of the definition in The Bible, it's telling you in a complicated manner to be still. Through good times and bad, sickness and in health (Think of marriage vows). Don't count wrongs. Don't be irritated. Don't be jealous. Don't insist on your way. It's trying to teach us how to keep our cool not matter what comes our way accepting the positive and the negative with each succint breath as though they were the same thing.
Too many times I'm at fault for reacting in a negative manner or even just wondering why people do ill things and trying to do things to correct their behavior. It's really wasted time and space. Yeah, I wish I could go back and do a hundred things differently. But at this point, it's time to stop charting my gaines and losses, and start counting my blessings.
I've gotten away from this line of thinking in recent months, and allowed my anger and frustration to get the best of me at times, and where has it gotten me? More frustrated and enraged. But I think it's time to get back to what I know is good within me, even if I know how tough it is. I know it's right.
I recite different pieces of this classic poem - If by Kipling - at times to renew the resolve of my beliefs. I think it aligns itself perfectly with the "patience is love" theory.
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son.
A Couple of Things...
I've decided that I'm sticking with the full beard look also known as "The Grown Ass Man" look for a few more days/weeks ... it's growing on me, and it's rare that this ever does.
If Wildcat-squared had anything to say about this ... well she wouldn't say anything she just come at my face with shaving cream and a razor blade. My reasoning: the weather; the fact that there are plenty of guys I know who can't grow facial hair; my brother looks older than I do at times because of his facial hair, and I can't stand it. Tell me what you think ...
Also, I'm going through some old records (CDs) trying to get a good feel for my music. Here's a sampling of what I found. It definitely has a grown ass (black) man's feel to it:
Jill Scott - Beautifully Human: Words & Sounds, Volume 2
Lauryn Hill - The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill - the title track is something I'm feeling in my soul right now ...
John Legend - Get Lifted, Live at the Knitting Factory
Mike Phillips - Uncommon Demoinator, You Have Reached Mike Phillips
R. Kelly - Happy People
Rapheal Saadiq - Ray Ray
Donell Jones - Where I Wanna Be
Joe - All That I Am
Love Jones - The Soundtrack
Mary J. Blige - What's The 411?
What Women Want - The Soundtrack
Justin Timberlake - Justified
Big Luther - A Mixed CD
Anita Baker - My Everything
There's some great stuff in there. So as a write tonight - I'm going to make myself start something that I've been wanting to start for a while, and blog a little more - these are the records I'll be spinning. Smile.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
I think entirely too much ...
I'm still reflecting about things that happened last week. I think the conversations(AIM) I had with a new friend that I probably should have gotten to know a whole lot better four years ago combined with other stuff has helped to open my mind up to a new way of thinking.
Here goes: I'm finally content with the fact that I may not be married within say the next five years and that I'm not in any serious relationship currently. If you know me, I like the idea of being able to have that "only other half that makes you whole" but I'm really good right now considering some of the news I got last week.
First off, Nick and Jessica are calling it quits (I'm serious about this as well ... lol) after ? years (i really don't know). Secondly, word has it that my dad and my stepmother are now seperated. Thirdly (not a word), I learned on Thanksgiving of another seperation that placed a stamp on my thought process about a serious relationship:
---------- told me that she had been seperated from her husband for a few months now. She said she didn't have a problem with except for when her oldest child, who is not old enough to watch a PG movie without mom, mentioned that it was bothering her.
At that moment, I stood still with a blank look on my face just wondering how, if ever, I'd be able to deal with the idea of being seperated or divorced. I think I have had a big enough problem coping with splitsville in my serious relationships, and I wonder how I'd deal. It's at that point I realized that my relationship problems - minus one issue - are trivial.
Moreover, I can't imagine having kids amid that situation. You have to really be strong through an incredibly tough time for someone else. My mother recently told me that she had this experience when she and my father divorced ... I thought to myself "It takes me 24 hours and a few good conversations with friends and myslef just to really pull myself together after a bad fight. How do you do that?"
Anyway, I just wouldn't wish this on anybody. And now that I think about it, I really want to be sure I'm on the same page as my significant other before things really get serious so I can hopefully avoid the d or s word. I think of so many stories of people married before 25, and divorced before 30. I think the best way to avoid that is to not get hitched until the latter age. Shit, if even then.
... I'm still think about the potential for several "When Harry Met Sally" entries, and I'll get there in a day or two, maybe. But I must say it has to go in the top 10 of movies I've ever seen. Not top five though.
The things I'm going to hit on this week: 1) why you shouldn't date someone you're not attracted to. 2) Can men and women really be platonic friends (WHMS)? 3) .... a mystery to even me.
Well after Harry Met Sally ...
So I'm watching this movie for the second time, and I'm not even halfway thru it. But I must say, this is one of the best movies that I've ever seen.
Have you ever watched a movie where you didn't really need the picture? This script is that good. Anyway, I've got an abundance of blog topics/relationship bullshit to write about thanks to Billy Crystal Lite and Meg Ryan. Stay tuned ...
A few more things to read ...
I'm coming back later with a new post. But I added a few more links (check on the left) of some places I frequent. It's for you, but also for me so I don't have to continue to type in their addresses as I check up on a few friends lives. Plus, there's good stuff there or else I wouldn't drop in from time to time. Anyway, I hope you're having a blessed day. 5683, D.Scott ...
Click Here to Read More..Thursday, November 24, 2005
All Eyez On Me ... Finuto, Part V (41-50)
41. I'm not worried about my business being spread. I learned this lesson along time ago thru 7th grade embarassment. I fell of the choral risers during a song because another kid stepped on my foot. It was during the Martin Luther King Celebration, thus the entire school was watching. It was embarassing and I didn't stop hearing about it for a few weeks. But it passed, as does everything else.
42. I care about what those close to me think of me. My (ex) best friend recently told me that I'm crazy. She'd have to know considering that she deems herself not all the way there. But that really bothers me. I'm all the way here. Not of by any stretch. I might have crazy moments (like everyone else in this life) but I'm here.
43. I want to run a marathon. Not because Diddy made it cool. But I want to accomplish something meaningful. I want to write a successful book and be happy. But running a marathon is something I think be a benchmark in life for me. I've run somewhere close to 12 miles before, and I definitely think it's possible for me to start and finish one.
44. I hate being lied to (and I know it's a lie) or thinking that's the case. It happened recently with someone close to me, and it wasn't pretty. That's all I'm going to say. Remember, I said I can be an asshole, but it only really happens when I'm provoked.
45. I don't look like Kanye West. So I walk into my Play Mother's (Some people say this is a black thing) house for Thanksgiving today, and my play sister say "What's up Kanye?" My Playmom says, "You do look like him." This is probably the 30 time somebody has said this in the last year, and I don't really see it.
My Christmas Wishlist:
46. I want a new laptop for Christmas. Somebody remember this, and hook me up. I want a Sony, but I'll settle for a newer light-weight Dell. I've learned that I can't live without one, and I want a good one.
47. I also want a new cell phone. If you've seen me, you've seen my makeshift antenna - I won't explain this further. But if my signal fades, you understand. If you want to talk to me without being cut-off while you're still talking, hook a brother up.
Things I'm Thankful for:
48. I'm thankful that I'm still breathing. I've been through a lot in my first 25 years of life, and I'm sure there will be more. But I know I'm growing stronger every single day through all the the trials that life puts in my face. I promise that the "menace of the years, finds and shall find me unfraid."
49. I'm thankful to have a few good friends. I've had some good ones over the years, but I've got a close stable that are with me to the end. I should listen to you and heed your advice more often. I love you whereever you are.
50. I'm thankful that this is over. You can't imagine how hard it is to come up with 50 things to say about yourself and what you believe and think and yada, yada, yada. I'm glad you know more about me, but then again, don't use any of this against me.
you get a little extra so be thankful. ...
51. One sexual partner at a time (like a relationship, not a trios) is enough. Go type CFL, Trevis Smith, and AIDS in google, and I think you'll catch my drift. There is too much shit (gifts/diseases/shit you don't want) out there, and too many lying bastards who don't give a shit about themselves or you. Be Safe, and don't get screwed over like these chicas.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Pop Quiz
OK. Before we get to the final 10, we've got a multiple choice question that I want answered. This comes from a dispute I was having with a friend about what a specific message means. Please respond.
There are two text messages: One says "Only one more day until I scream your name backwards and forwards." A day later the second one reads: "Thanks for the laughs and screams." What do these two messages imply?
A. This was Halloween weekend, and someone dressed up as the scary guy from the Scream series, and scared the shit out of you. You got a good laugh and screamed as well.
B. This is some sort of inside joke about screaming and laughing.
C. This implies that someone is about to, and follows through with a sexfest that was fantastic.
D. None of the above (provide your own answer)
Just leave your answer in the comments section. Your partcipation is appreciated. LOL .....
Sorry about the hiatus (31-40)
Sorry. I needed a break while doing plenty of work, even more of thinking, a little screaming and and even more removing of horrible people from my world.
31. Losing a lost best friend is a whole lot worse than losing your car. So I've lost a few best friends in my life, and you have to know now that my car was stolen about this time last year (I got it back). I know I'm a great person and all who has his flaws, but dealing with real selfish people is something none of us should ever have to do. I'll expound when I get back to my regular posting.
32. A good movie should be seen alone. Most people don't like going to the show by themselves, but I think its the best way, unless you have somebody who will be as quiet as you will throughout the movie. Reasons why: 1) this is not a good date because you don't talk or at least you shouldn't. 2) If you talk to me, you might get slapped. ... I think that should suffice.
33. Last truly good movie I saw: The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Just Like Heaven. Couldn't pick one. Heaven reminded me of Ghost without all the hatred and death. Virgin: I know someone who fits the mold of this man, so I couldn't stop laughing for anything.
34. Drunken sex isn't all it's cracked up to be. Some people think it's amazing. I know that I have absolutely no concepted of the word concentration or what it means. I just think it's a whole lot better when you alert and know what's going on.
35. This first thing I'd do if I won a major lottery jackpot: go eat at Mickey D's one final time because it would be lobster tails and shrimp the rest of the way out for me. No, I probably would by a condo on South Beach and party every day until I got tired.
36. I hate people who avoid telling the truth for whatever reason. Yeah, I know earlier I said something about the truth getting you in trouble. Well, I hate it when I want the truth out of somebody, and they answer my question as though my ears are plugged up with some nasty-ass wax. Be real.
38. I hate walking through grocery stores or malls without a purpose. There was a time when I thought this was the coolest thing ever. But when you're trying to save money, the last thing you need to be doing is wandering aimlessly through a mall. You always end up buying something you know you don't need.
39. College parties are still played. i went to my first college party in more than a year. I had plenty of fun, but still thought I was wasting time and space. I chilled out with a few old friends, made a few new ones, but for the most part stood there and listen to some loud ass crunk music for 3 hours. I was sick of the college party scene by my senior year, and on Friday I understood why again.
40. OK, Are you really pay attention. I thought I'd be ignorant and see if you realized that there wasn't a 37 in this list. I know I'm an ass.
37. I wonder what happens after "happily ever after..." I know somebody else has to be here with me. But what the fuck happens? Think about Love Jones, yes Belizeanchica I'm going back to it. I want to know if those dysfunctional lovers ever really made it. that would be a good soap opera, maybe the only one I watched ...
Thursday, November 17, 2005
All Eyez On Me Part III (21-30)
21. I cannot stand telling people no and being told no. I don't really throw a fit or anything if I'm told no. But inside I can get upset. I think I've learned to channel my frustrations. On the flip side, it's hard for me to tell somebody no when I want to please them. I think it's one of the things I struggle with most because I want to make people happy.
22. Everybody should have a roommate at some point in life. I'm not talking about husbands/wives. But somebody who you have no commitment to that you come home to every day. It's an interesting experience. I think that I've learned a lot about life by having roommates.
23. I absolutely hate being put on hold while on the phone. Especially if I don't have my ear piece. If I don't, I feel like I'm just wasting away. I never want to hang up because I think it's rude. But it's worse to put someone on hold for more than 30 seconds, no matter who it is.
24. There should be more time for family and friends. Thanksgiving is around the corner, and I just thought about something a source said to me last year. We spend more time with the people we work with than we do with the people we cherish most. Isn't society backwards.
25. Telling the truth can get you in lots of trouble. I've tried it before, and like T.O., I earned an unwelcomed suspension - don't try and figure it out. I wish the world were more inviting and excepting of the truth. But that's not the way of the world. It would rather you just hide your indiscretions.
26. A good book is about 20 times better than a good movie. a movie can only occupy so much time, 3 hours, and by that time, you're tired of looking at the movie screen. A good book makes you open up your imagination, and can take away an entire afternoon.
27. My favorite Hip Hop song of all time: "One More Chance (Remix)" by Notorius BIG. Big was a magician with words, and this was him at his best telling you how he'd woo women despite his ugliness. This song really made you believe in his ability to pull inspite of his flaws because he was flawless with the mic. A lyric: "Lyrically I'm supposed to represent, I'm not only a client, I'm the playa president."
28. My favorite song of all time: "Never Felt This Way" by Brian McKnight. This song has some of the most powerful and fufilling lyrics I've ever heard. And there's nothing better than voice and piano and nothing else. That's why J.Legend is blowing up in a major way and A.Keys is still blazin. A lyric: "There will never come a day, you'll ever here me say, that I want or need to be without you."
29. I love board/card games ... especially Monopoly, Chess and Scrabble. Don't mess with me and some spades. Don't think your going to make me go bankrupt. And please don't believe your vocabulary compares (lol) to mine. But this is one of the best ways to spend a Friday or Saturday evening and not spend a dime. I really love Chess because it works the brain.
30. The word i associate best with in the dictionary: insatiable. And ex-acquaintance used this word often, and I think it describes me well. It's rare that I'm every satisfied, though it may seem like I am. It takes a lot to impress me, and a lot to keep my attention.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Eleven thru Twenty ...
Read the post before, this is a continuation ...
11. Text Messaging is from the devil. or at least people who have full blown conversations on text message are. I can understand AIM or e-mail. But if you have a phone in your hand why won't you just pick it up and call somebody? If you text me, know that I'll probably call you back unless I know you're in a meeting or something.
12. I have a potty mouth. I remember when I used to mute myself from saying the word 'butt' when Michael Jackson said it on the Bad album. I was such a little saint. Then I hit puberty and became a sailor. It gets pretty bad when I'm mad - I'm capable of using fuck three times in one sentence and it makes perfect sense.
13. NEXT is the funniest show on TV. I'd love to have five women step off a bus and be able to turn them back around on a whim if I felt like they sucked. That's quite assinine, but it's funny as hell. I love to see the people on the RV, and guess who's not going to make it a minute.
14. I trust like 2 people. I may seem like I'm an open book to some, but there are only two people on this earth. Okay, maybe three because I do trust myself. But most people are backstabbers, who only have their own interests in mind.
15. I'm really not that cocky. Any true friend of mine can tell you this. I'm too laid back and to concerned about pleasing the right people to be a fulltime cocky bastard. The fact that I don't spill my guts out to everybody means No. 14 is true.
16. I used to be an ass man, but my priorities have changed. I don't know when this happened, it just did. Maybe it was when I realized that a woman with bigger breasts are actually more sexual in nature when it comes to their tig ol bitties and that an ass doesn't do much of anything besides provide cushion.
17. I'm always right. Ok, I'm not. But I really hate it when someone tells me that I think this way. I'm right when I say I'm right. And I'll tell you when I'm wrong. LOL. It's funny because saying this doesn't really help matters. It never has.
18. I like driving long distances with one other person in the car. Some of the best conversations I've ever had have come this way. You learn so much about somebody, their music taste, their outlook on life, how often they use the N-word (Think back to February/March). But really, you can learn a lot about a person when it just you two and two hours of rough Missouri highway or Kansas plains.
19. I'd do Halle Berry right. She's not crazy. Whitney is crazy. Halle has just engaged in some crazy ass shit with some crazy ass people (Eric B., Wesley Snipes - who only dates the other persuasion nowadays, and David Justice). I could be her Kevin Federline (sp).
20. Crying is Alright. Though I just realized I haven't shed a tear since before the summer. really weird.
I'll be back for more later, if I can ...
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
All Eyez On Me (For a few days) ...
I saw someone do this and i thought it might be humorous, and insightful for some of those who know me, some of those who don't and even myself. I'm about to drop a top 50 about me, the shit I like, dislike, love, loathe, desire or have learned in my walk. Ten a day with a little bit of an explanation behind each.
1. I can't stand people who see or hear the name Damon, and some how say Damien. Most of the time someone does this, I'll smile and pretend like they were correct when really I want to go Ugueth Urbina (if you don't know about him, google him) on them with a machete. If you're ignorant enough to mispronounce my name or any other simple name like Kevin, Michael, David or Mark you deserve the Ugueth treatment.
2. Having a conversation with more than three people at time is annoying. It's already a crowd. If it gets any larger, I usually shut up unless spoken to. I feel like people who like to dominate large conversation are the "Hey look at me" types of people. Some I like, some I loathe. But I don't ever want someone thinking, I think I'm the shit.
3. Good music drives me. No, I'm not talking about the bullshit you hear on the radio like Laffy Taffy or I Shoulda Cheated by K. Cole. More like that Gap Band, Luther, the Isley Brothers, a lil Hi Five, R. Kelly before he got trapped in a closet, John Legend, Stevie Wonder, Brian McKnight, Musiq Soulchild. Ya Know? The type of shit that made you think about something real. Not that mess that make you wonder how in the hell a girl shakes her Laffy Taffy. I mean, wouldn't that be her shaking a piece of candy?
4. Two kids, min/max. Hey, a kid shouldn't have to grow up by himself. You need a companion at an early age that you can depend on throughout life, especially when it comes to fighting the rents. Plus, you need to grow up fighting somebody in the house, and having that person's back. Playing hide-and-go-seek by yourself couldn't possibly be any fun. Also, if I fuck up the first one, and want to be able to rebound. (my kids will never read this. LOL.)
5. I have no kids. Yes, I'm a black man from KCK who is 25 still alive, and I have no kids. A miracle some might say. I just think its the fact that I really don't want to be that responsible yet. Maybe 5 years from now who knows when I'm hopefully married, that way I don't end up in a messed up situation like my parents. Oh wow. This is the day I was conceived on (happy b-day Mom, lol).
6. I like feisty women. Always have, though for some reason they cause a lot of commotion. But they provide the best conversation. I think about 95 percent of my female friends are crazy as hell, but they never bore me with words.
7. I have more female friends than men. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that my father, who I don't really have a relationship with at this point in life, is a complete asswipe who shouldn't be trusted to follow thru on any promise. It's just a thought. But I always have opened up a whole lot easier to women, women older than me, my age, younger. I've got a good share of male friends I confide in, but I talk to a select contingent of females more often.
8. Not all men should wear pink. Homosexuals? Yes. Metrosexuals? Go ahead. Thugosexuals? Don't mix your white tees with your reds. I already can't stand thugs, but thugs who wear any pink might just be the most annoying people on the planet next to David Stern and Drew Rosenhaus. What does a guy saying when he has his grill iced-out, cornrows or a blowout and a pink hoodie on? He's quite confused.
9. Good Guys really make the best boyfriends/husbands. Hey, all women chose the bad guy because they think he's going to lay the pipe properly and because she can fix his wrongs. But most times that doesn't happen because he doesn't know what he's doing and or he doesn't really care about your feelings. And you can't fix or mold a man the way you want him. He's going to it his way most of the time. Besides most all good guys will BTPU better than you ever hoped you'd get it because that's where they let out their aggression and emotion best. They'll give you attention, good conversation and treat you like a queen.
10. I'm a REALLY Good Guy. lol. Okay, I'm a fool. No, I'm not giving props to myself, but I'm the nicest guy you'll ever meet. I can be an asshole if crossed, but who isn't? If you're reading this, you already know this about me.
I don't know what's coming next, don't forget I'm not stopping until 50. Sowe'll see. ... stay tuned.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Unconditional ...
Love is something that's extremely hard to find, and "when you do, you hold on to it," so said Lyfe.
A friend of mine wrote something recently where they talked about the idea of loving someone unconditionally, and it beckoned me to think about if unconditional love exists?
I think about it, and come to believe that to love someone unconditionally would mean to give to that person without fail, no matter how much or what they do to hurt you. You keep giving, and "never breathe a word about your loss" or understand that "love keeps no record of wrongs or rights." I only knew one man of such caliber - LMS, the senior (my grandfather), and even he had his limits because he knew he could get burned by those closest to him.
One would think that you'd find this unconditional charity in parents - but I promise you both of mine have their own agendas in life where their children are purposely or accidentally, i really don't know, fourth or fifth on the importance scale. At least that's the way I feel.
So at this stage in life, especially, it's hard for me to really see how love can be unconditional just because I don't have too many good examples. Anyone who knows me knows that I think love is a whole lot more about what you do rather than what you say. What you say doesn't mean much to me. It's all in the action and reaction.
The question then is, how do you keep giving and giving when you know that someone isn't worthy by what their history entails? When is the unconditional affection effected by conditions? I've had to ask myself that a million times in recent years. I honestly never thought that love was supposed to be hard - on any level... relationships, friendships, family or even people you hate. Man, was I really green.
I think I've come to learn that at some point any relationship or friendship or family matter can go sour. It could be money, trust, deceit or anything. But it happens, and the conditions set in, and you start to think about yourself, your pride, how much it hurts and possibly how much of a fool you are. You get pretty salty, I know I have.
I guess the unconditional part comes into play when you forgive, and give again. But it's so hard once you've reached a breaking point, as I have in a few cases. I don't know. I can't fathom why someone would someone ever just continue to give, give and give? I've only done it once, and I don't I still don't understand why I diddo myself. I guess I just want a specific resolve, and think that still giving/loving is the best way to achieve certain things in life in spite of people's faults.
I've learned though that when you love someone that much and they know it, they usually just take advantage of it and don't really respect you because they know you'll be there for them in the end.
I feel like my relationship with my grandfather was like that at times maybe, and there are days when I wish I could do a lot of things differently. To be honest, I just wish i had someone who I believed loved me unconditionally again. I'm sure I'd "hold on" to them after all of the hell I've been through. Anyways, enough randumbness. Late.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Damned Panera ...
I think I'm done with my infatuation with Panera Bread formerly known as the STL Bread Co. except for those still stuck in redbird hell (St. Louis). I've been obsessed because of the free wireless internet, and the chill atmosphere it provides. But it's been hostile lately.
Yesterday, my laptop stopped working on me in a Panera after a four-hour working session. I also had a bright moment. I ran into an old roommate that I hadn't talked to in a while, which was cool.
Today, after I got the new laptop, I went back to Panera. But trouble met me at about 4:30. I ran into a ghost from my college days that "swiftly passed" that I would like to forget. We'll call her Rocky Road, and no I'm not talking about Ben & Jerrys. She is actually sitting two tables away from me now as I type.
I think she saw me first and tried to walk the other direction (which I didn't have a problem with at all). Then I noticed her, and as soon as I tried to look away, she turned back around with this superficial "surprised to see you" smile, walked up to my table and asked me what I was doing on the Plaza at Panera. I asked her how law school was going. After she replied, (it doesn't matter what she said or what you're cooking) there was a pause.
(awkward pause)
I said "Well it's good to see you..." which is akin to "get the French Connection UK away from me ASAP" if you didn't know.
Ugh. Man. (Slamming head against wall. Slamming head against wall ... still slamming head into wall) What a mistake. I don't think I've made too many in my selection of women, but this was definitely one. I'll admit that I shoulda never touched this girl, but I believe I was suckered into action (please know that I didn't sleep with this indivudal. As freshmen, we just "watched a movie" we both had seen before) Though I must admit, she improved a little. The road wasn't quite as rocky as she drew closer to me. i'm not giving a rating, but she improved by about a point on the scale.
But still, the French Connection UK applies to her, and now Panera Bread. Oh how I'll miss my Tuscan Turkey ... lol. I'm a fool. I know I'll be back by Friday just no more unexpected, unwanted runins to ghosts that remind me of things I should have never done.
WildcatSquared, if only you didn't keep bringing this incident up. ... lol.
A Few Words of Wisdom
So today we mourn. I just bombed a CPU from work somehow. Now, I'm on my third laptop in three years, probably a record. So right now, I won't write. I'll just give a little advice a friend gave me.
Lessons well learned in life:
1. You find out who your real friends are when times really get hard.
2. Love is never supposed to hurt.
3. People may forget what you say, or even the things you do... but they will never forget how you made them feel.
4. Intuition is one of God's greatest blessings
5. It is at the very moment that you feel you have nothing left to give that you find out what your true potential is.
6. Never let a job or another person's opinion define you.
7. PUSH- Pray Until Something Happens... prayer is a powerful thing.
8. When all your friends seem to be falling off, its just God shaking your tree... and if you let go and let God, he might just get rid of a pretty big thorn in your side
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Feeling Better Than Some ...
So it's past Sunday afternoon, and I've got a lot on my mind. I did this once in college with a column, and I thought I'd try it here: a bunch of random thoughts from the day thrown into words. Here goes ...
1. Was anybody shocked by the fact that Dick Vermeil shed a tear or two after the Chiefs last second win over the Raiders this afternoon? "Dude, he cries when he wakes up in the morning," rmattwill ...
2. I'm trying to figure out how one of the biggest parties each month (First Fridays) in KC and the STL is thrown at the first of the month successfully. Aren't most people hoarding their loot the first week of every month after they cut the rent/mortgage check? By the way, I didn't go, not because I was broke. But because I was tired and had to be in Lawrence on Saturday morning ...
3. How does a death row inmate skip out of a jail without anyone noticing? It happened twice this week in the US. Two inmates escaped in South Carolina and one in Texas, I think? Doesn't that just make you feel safe - especially with Leavenworth two hops away?
4. Can anybody else believe that gas is less than $2 (in Mis(ery)souri)? I thought we'd never see that again.
5. It's obvious that 50 Cent has fully made the switch to pop status when football game announcers are making comment about him and refering to him as "Fitty." I want to say it was Randy Cross, but I can't remember who said it. I just know I was in total shock.
6. Speaking of shock, you can't be surprised by Terrell Owens antics. Owens is probably done for the season after a mid-week fight with a former teammate and another interview where he takes cheap shots at Donavan McNabb. I recall some analysts saying that he wouldn't make it through the season.
7. I'm just mad Owens is on my fantasy team, which I didn't even get to pick for myself. I'm 1-(a whole bunch of losses) this season.
8. On screwovers: Whoever picked the Raiders to cover the spread certainly were kicking themselves at the end of the game today. The Chiefs were favored by 4. After Larry Johnson scored the go-ahead touchdown making the score 26-23 Chiefs as time expired, any betters picking the Raiders to cover the spread had to be thinking "we're within four. we're ok," as the Chiefs celebrated. That all went to waste as the officials forced KC back on the field to kick an extra point for a 27-23 final.
9. R. Kelly should have kept Trapped in the Closet 6-8 in the closet or better yet, he shoulda put the film in the trash ... I won't spoil too much of it, but if you live in a neighborhood where a nosy neighbor will come to your door with a pancake turner after hearing a good shot, you might want to move. Of course, this just shows you that Kells isn't brilliant unless he's writing a song about a sexual escapade (i.e. Bump N' Grind, 12 Play, Sex Me).
10. Forget what you heard ... Chris Rock is the best comedian alive today. Long live Chappelle, but Rock is actually about something real, and Bigger and Blacker is on right now. I think I'm coming back with a list of the best comedians soon, and watch out for J. Foxx ...
Line of the day: "Not like this. Not like this." - Switch in The Matrix
Line of the day part II: "She got hit by a bus" - person on the phone.
"Thank the Lord! Yes! GO GREYHOUND!" - Chris Rock, in Bigger & Blacker, while calling ex-girlfriend's families to see if they have HIV.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
The World We Live In ...
Before I even start the post, the moral is: don't ever try to cheat the government out of one dime.
Prime example ... Ronald Isley. He tried to cheat Uncle Sam out of a few hundred million dimes, and just got convicted of five counts of tax evasion. Yes, the man who, along with his bros., is responsible for the birth of so many black children over the course of the last 20 years (Between the Sheets) is head behind the bars.
There are a few sad facts about this.
1. The Ex-Factor: To avoid the IRS, Isley put homes and his yacht in the name of his then (now ex) wife. This man clearly was inhaling through the wrong pipe while watching Waiting to Exhale. Why would you dare put everything you own in anybody else's name. You have some serious issues if you do, and then to learn that she soon became an ex? Not so smart.
2. The Age Factor: Mr. Biggs is 64, and damn near old enough to start drawing Social Security and instead he's up against a potential 26 years. I'm personally shocked that he didn't just pass out in the court room.
3. The R. Kelly Factor: I have to mention this. But isn't it strange that Kells is still on the loose, possibly chasing teens around the Chicago burbs after being allegedly caught on tape with a minor, and his mentor is headed to the joint because of tax evasion? Kells: Still bumpin and grindin. Biggs: potentially getting bumped and grinded. Like I said, don't mess with Uncle Sam.
short segue
Remember how most of R. Kelly songs are clues to his desire for underaged women? I'm sorry but The Isleys Bros. have the worst hidden meaning song in the world. The lyrics to the chorus for Contagious:
"You're contagious, touch me baby, give me what you got. ..." Enough said.
